The average college student drops out either because they commit suicide or because they can't afford their books - but some decide to come back to school.

It's not about whether the chicken came first - it's about how a fish turned into a chicken in the first place.

Gay people are less likely to get divorced because it's not a big deal to them if they get cheated on.

The world would be better off without humans - except for me.

OVERHEARD PREP-TIME: Guys, you'll win all neg rounds if you just listen to me talk about boobs for a second. (Oct. 10, 2013)

Bombin busses and killin Jewbabies.

The resolution doesn't mention religion, so the neg can't talk about it.

If you give people sovereignty over their bodies, they will use that to beat people to death with their sovereign fists.

If you're smokin weed in you're house watching TV and eating a brownie, who is it violent to? The brownie?

I'd like to thank my partner because she's awesome, cause she's African American!

I'd like you to vote on my kind of lame point that consumer gossip about the iPhone 5S is better than quality control for the market.

Things happen when you do things.

Farmers are a minority, so their opinions don't matter.

If you stop and pull out it makes you a better competitor.

My opponent is being a one percenter right now. That's bad.

Workers includes janitors cleaning toilets... What about Pablo?

I don't think economics has much to do with the allocation of scarce resources or unlimited wants.

This plan helps everyone currently playing, not just Wayne Gretzky.

If you look at debtclock dot org you see that the debt is at 58 trillion.

American people don't elect presidents.

We can't have people who like marijuana voting on legislation about drugs.

The one thing I want to hit is my opponent.

Leaving the UN is rude. That's a voter.

I'm sure we have ambassadors in other countries... I don't know where, but we do.

The US and UN are like a family.

Solar panels can power your laptop and wind energy can power the entire world for a year.

My points null and voids her points all the way. Now they're very null and void.

My opponent has no numbers on anything he said or on things he he didn't say.

Nuclear energy is safe because we have regulations like Geiger counters.

We should have mandatory tips and if people complain, the waitress should just be fired on the spot.

If we get rid of the IRS, we will be firing 3.6 million people.

They say we have to stop digging our debt hole, but if we just dig sideways, we'll eventually get out somehow.

All we have to do is avoid the fiscal cliff so we don't have to deal with it in the future and eventually it'll go away.

These felon laws against drug users are not only to protect them but to protect society from their drug use.

Tom Cruise really only had that one movie way back in the 90s... I think it was called shotgun.

Nicholas Cage is a great actor. I believe that. I really do. I do. Great, great actor.

It's good that criminals don't have jobs because then we don't have to worry about them losing that job when they go to jail.

Judge: I know people don't like interventionist judges, but I'll intervene if I disagree with your information.

Felons and illegal aliens with guns is a major concern for us.

You always have to show a valid ID to buy a gun. That's a fact.

... But if I did lay in bed and practice changing magazine clips, it'd only be because I'm a hard ass.